Visiting Mom

Despite all of her darkness, she hated graveyards. She couldn't stand seeing her mother there, and not seeing her. There were only words, a name and some dates, they weren't her mom. Yet she was supposed to go there, and talk to it. But it couldn't hug her, it couldn't tell her that everything was going to be all right, it wasn't there with cookies after a bad day at school. It was just a stone. Just one, stupid stone. It had no right to act like her mother. Out of everything she just wanted to leave and curl up in her bed, just pretend that her mom was on a trip and coming home eventually. Just pretend that she might see her again so it wouldn't hurt. But all that hurt bubbled up and flowed down her face in tears despite her best efforts to wipe them away, walking as slow as possible to the headstone.  Her father was there, waiting for her, and so she walked because she knew she had to be there with him, no matter how much she hated it.  Her time would come later, in her own room where she would honor her mother with memories.  She would lie in her bed and think of the wonderful times they had, and she would cry, but she would not be pretending that some headstone was her mother.  She only did that for her dad.

A Letter to My Lover

Dear Darling,

I know I’m not what you expected out of life.  I go against everything society is pushing you towards.  I’m a harlot, a mix-breed, a bastard, and a thief.  And yet, I found you, a detective, and you took me as your own.  For all my ways, I have been trained from almost to succeed my father.  He passed onto me many rules, but I have broken the most important: Never love the law.  Perhaps he made this rule because he once fancied a girl trapped within the laws.  But I have broken it by falling for you.  When I said I would stop if only you would have me, I meant it; with all my heart I meant it.  Chain me to the bed, never let me see the light of day, make love and hate to me again and again I would do as you wish.  I do not blame you for not believing me; I doubt I would believe myself.  But that time is gone and you want nothing to do with me.  My heart is breaking as I write this, and perhaps you can see my tears staining this scroll, but I want you to know I love you.  I am yours whenever you wish to have me.  I’ve left a clue as to where to search for me, if you ever desire to do so.  If you are as done with me as you say, do with it as you wish.  But if there is even the smallest bit of you that still wants me, still needs me, please hold on until you are ready.  My heart will never heal, so know that you have ruined me for good.  You have pulled my heart and taking it within your own chest, our two lives now fighting in constant war.  Perhaps you will give me your heart again one day and I can be at peace.  I wait for that day when you find me.

Forever waiting,

Your fiery little harlot

Do You Know?

Do you know,
Know the devilish power that,
Try as I might,
Controls me?

Do you know
Of the clinging to my heart,
Of the tears and the suffering
That I endure?

Do you know that
It's your fault.
And that
I take it willingly?

Do you know
That with these tears come healing words,
Words of love and caring
From you?

Do you know that
I would take all the pain,
Again and again,
To just be in your arms?